Fighting shadows
by Inkfire
Summary: She fights, on and on, until she can't anymore. For nothing. Second one-shot for the Songfics challenge on xoxLewrahxox's forum.


**Second one-shot for the Songfics challenge in xoxLewrahxox's forum: _Mother of Light _by Epica.**

**Bellamort. Exactly 500 words, without the lyrics. **

_**Songfics**_

_**Choose a song that you feel related to the Death Eaters and their families, or the HP world in general. Write a 100-word or 500-word drabble inspired by the song. It might be a good idea to provide the lyrics that inspired you.**_

_It always put me on the edge  
To think of all the spoiled lives_

They are unworthy. I've always known it.

I had to fight – this was always clear, yet I had no clear path. Until I met my Lord.

And every possible hesitation was blown away. _  
_

_Today I'm one step further  
Not sure if I've survived myself_

The sacrifice is made. There's no turning back now.

_  
Reality is sometimes stranger than fiction  
Whatever happens in my dreams  
I know it can't be worse than this_

_So I prefer to sleep_

I close my eyes. There is nothing to see anyway, nothing but grey. I can't shut my ears though, and I still hear the screams. I can't shut my mind. It is invaded by this place, clouds of despair hovering above my head – no relief to be found.

Sleep in Azkaban is short and restless, and one always wakes up screaming. Yet I welcome the slightest oblivion. __

I am searching  
Without vision  
For the answers in the dirt

I am waiting  
Just for nothing  
For the day that I'll be heard

I clutch my loyalty as a relief. He will come back, and he will know, he will know what I've suffered for him.

I treasure my pain, for it brings me closer to him. At the worst moments, it's almost as if I could feel him – a light shadow brushing my forehead, a presence. He is everything. He is everywhere. He will rise again.

The world whispers his name to me – yet the world is but a feeble flicker, here in Azkaban. __

You're the sea in which I'm floating  
And I lose myself in you  
I am feeling these sensations  
I communicate with you

He is under my skin. In my branded arm – in my mind – everywhere, he is everywhere, his spirit invaded me long ago and consumes me whole. He lives within his most faithful servant.

He will come back to me. __

I am looking  
Without vision  
For a different kind of way

I am thinking  
Just for nothing  
About that specific day

When the Mark burns, I am ready for him. __

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_You're the night so you're the dark side  
Of the day you'll never see  
You're the past but everlasting  
Can you share one day with me?_

He is back. He is here. He rules our world now.

Yet I lost my place besides him. __

You're the hand that I rejected  
But I can't forgive myself  
I am selfish and not worthy  
To think of, even to die for

I failed him.

Again and again, I listened to wrath, to fear, to my weak and wretched self. A worthless excuse for a protégé. __

Reality is sometimes stranger than fiction  
Whatever happens in my dreams  
I know it can't be worse than this  
So I prefer to sleep

Despair clouds my mind still. Yet I can't relish in this one. I do not suffer for my cause, for my master. I suffer against them, punished for my pitiful failures. Alone.  
_  
Tomorrow, don't know where I'll be  
I need some place to go now  
So do you know the way I feel  
Or shall I give up my belief?  
_

Weak is what I am, and I cannot help it. I cannot cure myself of this love.

If I did, there would be nothing left of me.

_  
You're the lock I've never opened  
'Cause I threw away the key_

He gave me his truths. Love is weakness. Nothing matters but power.  
They went to waste – I never could respect them.

_  
I'm enclosed within my own thoughts  
That will never set me free_

Obsession. Suffering. Adoration. __

You're the hand that I rejected  
But I can't forgive myself  
I am selfish and not worthy  
To think of, even to die for

You're the question to the answer  
And without there'll never be  
Any thought in this direction  
You've created this in me

He is too great not to be loved. Fate decided that I would be the one to love him. Fate damned me to a fight I would never win. __

You're the hand that I rejected  
But I can't forgive myself  
I am selfish and not worthy  
To think of, even to die for  


_Serenity is taking over all I am,  
It gives me peace and  
All I see are visions of my destiny  
Why should I bleed and pay for others' greed?_

_  
_No strength left anymore. Feeble and weak, I waste away.

Sometimes, I wish I would die by his hand. Yet I don't want him to want me dead.

_  
We consciously sign our own sentence of death  
How can you go on, did you forget  
What we have learned from the past?  
We can't go on killing ourselves  
And with us all the rest  
Why can't you see, don't you regret?_

We gave the world what it deserved, and the world is boiling and burning under our grasp, threatening to break free.

The world is betraying us. Everytime I close my eyes, I feel its wild thrashing. I fear for my Lord.

_  
Reality is sometimes stranger than fiction  
Whatever happens in my dreams  
I know it can't be worse than this  
So I prefer to sleep_

A Stunning Spell, as strong as it can be, is no Avada Kedavra.

As I fall down, I hear a scream, and I know that I left him alone.

My love... __

I am alone with all my thoughts  
Alone without a hope and  
I lost the thing I needed most  
I feel I can't survive this fall


End file.
